How to Not Be a Food Tourist in New York

This guy's pizza-eating technique is so wrong.

I've been tasked with devising a list of tips for not looking like a tourist in New York, focusing on food. Last night I brainstormed with The Eyes (one of my sisters) and Boyfriend, though they didn't get into it as much as I did.

Here's my list-in-progress:

1. Pizza by the slice should be folded in half and shoveled into one's mouth in gaping bites. Upscale, sit-down pizzeria pizza gets the knife-and-fork treatment.

2. Eat a bagel, but don't get anything crazy, just the basic plain, or poppy, or sesame with cream cheese. Then go next door to the deli and order coffee "regular" (milk and one sugar), or "light and sweet," or "milk no sugar" or "black." Sorry, but black with sugar is not really an option.

3. Never ever eat in Times Square. See Times Square (we all know you want to), but walk west immediately thereafter to 9th Avenue to nosh.

4. It's pronounced... "RUGG-lah" or "RUGG-a-lah." And while I'm at it, it's pronounced "pie-AY-yuh" not "pie-ELL-ah" (I'm looking at you, British-English speakers!).

5. Tip $1 per drink, $2 for hand-shaken cocktails, and only with bills, never in coins! If the bartender is cute, linger a moment at the bar, then tip $5 for the round, even if your friends are going to make fun of you for liking skanky, tatoo-clad bartenders.